Im feeling awfully cheated, terribly miserable and horribly dejected.

GRRRRRRRRRR this really sucks ): I feel really really really really really really really really really really really really helpless ):
No one will understand. And i dont intend to tell anyone about this. So it makes everything even worse. There's a voice calling out desperately for sos, just for someone to listen out and understand. ARGHHH! i wanna bang my head...

I dont know why im doing this either. It makes me feel really... i dont know. Its hard to explain. This whole situation is just.. i cant believe im in such position. really.

DAMN IT. I WANNA SWEAR AND SHUT MYSELF IN A WHITE BOX. ): should i head for ecp tonight, just sit by the waters and daze into the dark.





Happy new year's eve friends.

dman it i have been in really down spirits these few days. I hate feeling all moody and dampened, cause i will not be high and i will not talk and i will not be having fun. Everything around me just seems to irritate me.

On the other hand, its nice to just stone and listen to people and process in your brain and think about stuff. I mean, sometimes people do need their quiet times right. I really had the urge to walk to east coast park to sit on the breakwaters and stone, while listening to the rhythmic lapping of the waves. Good relaxation.

oh just a random remark, i miss stnicks.. horribly. i felt like crying when i was reading the christmas cards from ng, pam, pris, cheryl, june, keat and people. Brought back so much memories and laughter. It kinda finally dawned on me that i've been spending my hols with vj band and nssn people most of the time and i totally forgot about going out with stnicks ppl. ): ANYWAY I MISS POTHOLE ALOT ): REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY ALOT. ) : I MISS STUDYING WITH HER IN SCH TILL LATE EVENING. I MISS TALKING TO HER AND I MISS HER RETARDEDNESS AND CRAPPINESS THE MOST! I LOVE YOU POTHOLE! i hope sch in vj ends early on one of the frist few days of school then i can chiong back to stnicks with my friends! and eat orange bowllll!!!!! excited excited excited!

watched alvin and chipmunks with band people today. We sat in gv and played funny games. had me laughing alot but i had to control. have to remain composed and poised ya! (: okay the show is much cuter than i expected it to be. :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to mingde. YOU'RE 16! FINALLY! LIKE ME! HAHA. congrats. you can go play pool and watch nc 16 now. :DDDD

okay. nighties. ):

hi there everyone. Been some time since i've last updated!
well, life has been pretty wonderful and happy the past few days till now :D
erm minusing all the scoldings i've got from my mother.

Just a brief summary, i have been hanging out with nssn people :D its a great feeling cause all of us started to bond after nssn concert. First, was the jc band fest with nssn people. Second, badminton at tp safra with nssn people again. Third, was band chalet with vj band ppl! Fourth, was st pats concert together with band ppl again and late night supper at lau pat sat. <3333 Fifth, was the little meeting at prata house and icekimo. sixth, was the bomb! 39 band people went to watch a movie at vivo! mind you, it was 39 people. (: kinda cool and amazing thinking about it! It was like an official band outing >D okay let me list out the names. :D

Yuxuan, Daryl, Ziyang, Mieoteng, Kaikeng, Kahsiong, Eng hwee, Charissa, Benedict, Junsen, Shikang, Daniel, Phyllinda< xiaojia, umar, JIngwen tenor, JIngwen alto, yanzhu(me!), olivia, amanda, jialing, Anchun, Quanli, yihao, Nathaniel, Jolene, Kwangyi, Mingde, rouhui, Bingran, Gabriel, Poliang, john, Benjamin lim, derek, ralph, percy, elizabeth, weijie. YEAH! cool or what! :D

Its a great feeling to see everyone so enthu and on about such major gathering! NSSN PEOPLE ROCKS! ;D esp the sec 4s =p anyway photos up! Pictures speak a thousand words. Nssn really made this year's holidays so enriched and fun filled. Anyway the sec4s are going to cycle FLR with kahsiong and 2 friends on 31st. BUT I CANT MAKE IT!!!! ARGHHHHHH ITS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUNNN! ):


TAKING A REST FROM THE TIRING CYCLING EXPEDITION


AND WE START CAWHORING


WE TOOK A PICTURE IN THE MIDDLE OF A ROAD!


CYCLING!


AT BEDOK JETTY!


the white and the brown! haha


taller than quan li li li li li li!


sec4 girls :D


(:


bbq -ing :D


sec 4s at vivo!


jialing, jingwen alto, olivia, jolene, manda and me!


sec 4s again! we are united!


half the band at vivo!!!!!! amazing right!


MSG! a.k.a miss sia's gang!


I LOVE NSSN 2007!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! im back from vj band chalet and it was damn funnnn!
:D rented bikes for the whole night till the next day!

so cycled in the afternoon a little! then went to the beach with amanda jiaying jialing olivia and mieoteng!!! played monkey alittle and the sand too! i felt like a kid suddenly! oh and the ball kept running to the water so we had to run after the ball to prevent it from being washed away! ahah and that was how oli got super wet and gave her the stupid idea to make all of us wet! and damn it i was the wettest! The moment we stepped into the water all of them just kept kicking water and splashing haha! i was guilty of doing of that too. THEN, they decided to pull me into the water. To resist them, i sprawled on the sandy beach which ended me having sand all over my head, face and body! > :( AHA! it really feels so uncomfortable to be in a co-ed env. i never had to worry how wet i was and what shirt colour or bra colour i was wearing in stnicks!!! Therefore,before we went back to the chalet, we went to the public toilet to blow ourselves dry! TROUBLESOME!






alright then it was food timeeee! the sec4s just koped all the marsh mellow and the mini bbq pit to cook our food. Went cycling again with the j1s. went back to chalet and went cycling AGAIN with sec4s and 1 j1 (junsen!). He tries damn hard to act young and mingle with us (: so me, jiaying,ruohui, amanda, olivia, jialing, phyllis, alto jingwen, shu huan,louise, quan li, junsen and an chun cycled together to food court to eat dessert! talking about quan li, my dear sister sia! wore pink know! damn gay! haha. so the 3 guys had treat us to desserts!!but in the end we still had to pay! ): ruohui is so fair that she is luminous! HAHA! :D

continued cycling down ecp and cam whored at bedok jetty! damn fun and dark and exciting! talked to anchun alot about band. realised he's quite a good counsellor! haha will make a good conductor :D talked to many phyllis and others about band stuff. cycled back and went cycling AGAIN with some j1s after supper at macs with band ppl. Am i enthu or am i enthu :D haha! went back to the same route but further down to changi safra!!! it was a long journey and my butt was aching horribly. The cycling added on to the already horrendous muscle aches at my arm, thighs and butt areaS ): hahha but it was really happy and enjoyable. I never ever cycled in the night or rather late into the night. We were cycling at midnight! went to changi safra to take a rest! then headed back to chalet cuase we thought FLR to changi village was too tiring and we didnt prepare our "camping" stuff. decided to continue cycling at 5 am! went back and everyone was brain dead.. half dead or completely dead! Me jia amanda oli benedict shixun yihao junsen tried to play cards to wait till 5 am comes but all of us were speaking in slurred speech and not reacting well enough. haha its damn funny. We were all in lala land as said by benedict. OH AND I LEARNT A NEW CARD GAME THANKS TO AMANDA! its called homo! and im still wondering why olivia can misheard it as jelly! its so different! TU DI ARH TU DI! you throw my face away!. homo is quite a nice game!

By 5 am, all of them were like.. collapsing! haha only me and my disciple were still damn enthu and excited and ON about our "cycling" expeidition to FLR! ended up only me oli quanli kahsiong phy bingran and benjamin lim went! We started off really fast and high, but bingran gave up halfway. And this was my third time going past the same route! Neevertheless it was enjoyable! Finally after an hour plus of biking, we arrived at FLR! okay FLR stands for ( F***ing long road!) haha! trust me, its really damn damn damn long and straight road. by then i was already... hahah a little worn out. But it feels really damn shiok! cause we were cycling on the big big busy roadd! with no cars initially. we were damn high and happy and cycled zig zagly like brownian motion cause kahsiong said the road's not open officialy! Then we realised the road was actually open! we saw cars from behind and infront and it was scary trying to maintain in the middle and prevent being hit. =\ freaky but thrilling. LEFTT LEFTT LEFTT!!!! RIGHTT RIGHTTT RIGHTTT!!!! haha. managed to cam whore a little while cycling on this dam big road! AND WE SAW PLANES JUST ABOVE OUR HEAD! it feels as if we can touch it if we jump! its really just above our headS! CAUSE THE RUNWAY WAS JUST BESIDE THE ROAD WE WERE CYCLING ON! It was a good and extraordinary journey! I MUST SAY IT WAS REALLY THE BEST BIKING EXPERIENCE EVER even though i was alittle jittery. aha. THANKS PHY KAHSIONG OLIVIA QUANLI BEN! :D oh and goodness. phy fell 0: and her wound was dripping with blood. Stubbornly she refuses to wash it! i told her to use dews from the leaves but she refuse! tsk tsk.haha And on our way back, she almost crashed into me because she got too high but i dodged! haha! It was really not her day. she kept falling =\

The journey back was tedious. Our legs felt like jelly and we just flopped on the cycling track in the middle of nowhere cause we were too worn out. We couldnt feel our butts! ahhaha. i couldnt stand and walk properly when i arrived at the chalet.. BUT macs breakfast replenished my overly drained energy :D went back to chalet and doze off.

right! thats pretty much what happened yesterday/today. pictures will be up when i receive them!

" yo morning friends!" - bangs their table!

I miss school, terribly. To be specific i miss stnicks, i miss every bit of it. Even the few split seconds i spent day dreaming and staring into blank air. I miss driving past angmokio and into carpark 26 where i would drop off from my dad's car after saying goodbye. I miss walking past the school auntie who never fails to sit by the gate to make sure every girl, be it pri or secondary enters stnicks safely. I miss hearing her morning greetings and her smiles to little pri sch kids :D I miss walking past the turtle pond and the container classroom which are now.. empty and spooky boxes. I miss walking past the classrom block where you can hear girls' screaming and shouting and chatterings early in the morning which really birghtens up your day. I miss climbing up 8 flights of stairs from the "basement" to sec 1 and 2 level, then to sec 3 level, then to staff room and finally to my classsroom. I miss enjoying the colourful classrooms and which the colours blend so harmoniously and gracefully with each other to create a picturesque view. Standing at the highest level of the building, glancing down at the lower secs always make me feel oh-so-old. It always brings back memories of me when i was in sec 1. Running across the little field in the middle of all the classrooms to look for friends to go down for band drills.

i really miss stnicks ): i needa go back to school. i think i will pon one day of school in vj next year to just visit sstnicks. ): arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! and the titanic medley playing in the background is making me feel even more bitter and nostalgic!! > :( Thinking about it, it s a wonder i didnt cry on grad night. See, friends make you really happy that one forgets that we are all going different ways after that special night.

Although i know vj will be fun, it will never be like stnicks. Its just different. Wearing stnicks uniform again will also never bring back the same sense of belonging CAUSE WE HAVE GRADUATED OFFICIALLY :(

alright i needa go do my laundry, pack my house alittle, bathe and prepare for vj band chalet. I hope it removes my sadness.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NSSN WAS SUCH A BLAST!
TOTALLY ENJOYED MYSELF :D
and guess what, im still feeling high from yesterday!!!!!!!!!! goodnesss!
Our section should have gone out for late night supper!! and stay out the whole night! that would be so much fun! but many ppl left and i had to leave ):

The whole nssn practise started to gear up last week and everyone got to know each other better (: It was so much better than the past few weeks where everyone juts sat with their own friends and sections. yeah! sec 4s rock!!!!!! met up with tanjia and jingwen at toapayoh before going to parkway to meet section. BUT sadly only 4 of us turned up! me phy mingde azul! pathetic! ahha ate at kfc cause its HALAL! walked around to buy gifts! I MUST GET THAT BIG FAT HUMONGOUS TURTLE SITTING HAPPILY IN MINI TOONS SHOPS! maybe its not even happy at all although its smiling! so i must bring it home so it will truly be blissful :D

yupp. went back to vj with mingde and chatted! now i know why he's so emo on thurs. TSK TSK! DONT BE SO EMO DUDE! BE HAPPY! oh alto jingwen bought the silvery glittery shimmery glamourousy cloth for our vest! i mean sexy vest. it turned out damn sexy pls! it wasnt meant to be that way !hahah tenor jingwen very resourceful man! she came up with the idea to use can drink's metal thingy to join the cloth together and it looked damn coolio! ;D skit prac, technical prac. skit prac is always so filled with laughter :D super hilarious! esp with our fellow sister(anchun) to liven up the atmosphere with his.. gay tactics. As usual, miss ruo hui keep asking me to smell! ARGHHHHH DAMN DISGUSTING! i refuse to breathe using my nose when he's beside moi. =\

damn it! peanut man still owe me 10000 x 3 sacks of peanuts! > :( but im going to get a proper birthday present from him next fridy! YEAHHHH! oh cool man. xiaowei is peanut man's pri sch friend!!!!alright dinner next.. then was the hectic present exchange and attire change!!!! it was super rush trying to find ppl to give present to and trying to receive presents and say a sincere thanks! AND also changing into our attire! OH AND eng hwee was my christmas secret pal. guess what he gave me? A WATERMELON, AN APPLE, AND MANY CHOCOLATES! o_O!!! but still thanks alot! haah its a very cute gift! also, big hugs and kisses to tenor jingwen and tanjia for the spongebob monopoly and christmas card! so now you two owe me christmas present and birthday card!

the concert was quite nice. I LOVE OUR SECTION TIE! anyway i think i played better for practises! kept playing wrong notes for happy ending and and and wind for winds ): so sad! wind for winds is my fave song. anyway, much thanks to juniors who managed to come and support!!!! :D And the lovely roses and carnations and daisies and spongebob balloon!! AND thanks to chia, peiting and sushuen for coming!! :D too bad chia! you didnt get to see him! (: talking about chia, I MET HER IN HONGKONG TSIM TSHA TSUI! :D her hotel was only 2 blocks away from mine!

THE SKIT WAS THE BEST OF THE WHOLE CONCERT! had bouts of laughter! and best, my scene's costume was the best! it was sexy(haha), shimmering and glamourous! but just a little, unsafe cause it keep sliding down ahha! ITt felt super satisfying and happy to hear the audience laughing madly away! :D " left step cha cha cha! right step cha cha cha! front step side step back step and turn!" " ho ho ho horny!"
" ho ho wholesome goodness!" , " he's so fat that when he jumps for joy, he gets stuck!" hahah SKIT ROCKS! :D OUR MAGICIAN SCENE ROCKS TOO! jingwensss, jiaying, meiling, liling, betty, yuxuan, zhiyang and matthew! wooohoooo!

Once again, horn section had to fake our victorian anthem! quite sad ): i really wanted to play!!!! arghhh! vj cheer was like crazy and messy! it was a lump of unfathomable words! but I managed to shout V-I-C-T-O-R-I-A! bravoooooooo! but i still love snsb's cheer! it's so unique and nice! :D horn section was instructed by kahsiong to hurry leave so no need to pack =P! took section picture!!! :DDDDDDD and started my cam whoring mode! woohoO! took lots of pictures!! with section, with scene ppl , with my christmas pal, with stnicks brothers and sisters, sec 4s! WHEEE!now i need to chase after ppl to get peeektures! :D stayed in school till near 11 to take pictures! so funnnn! the sec4s really started to get more bonded after the intensive band prac and nssn! damn heartwarming (: shixun suddenly told us that he will miss playing with us!and i was like shocked cause he seldom talks! whahah

I WILL TRULY MISS PLAYING AND LUNCHING WITH MY SECTION PPL ): phy! kahsiong! edna! ruo hui! ben! quanli (peanut man!)! mingde! azul! and er khaizer. ): azul better get into vj after o levels results are out! then me mingde ruohui and azul will be section mates again with phy edna and kahsiong! :D

now i need to prepare to go to stnicks to wish juniors all the best for their christmass concert at IMM!

pictures soon!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH! IM UTTERLY FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF.
WHY DO I HAVE TO FALL SICK JUST 2 DAYS BEFORE IM FLYING OFF TO HK! ):

SO FREAKING FED UP WITH MY BODY ): stupid asthma. why do you have to plaque me.
and damn it, im on medication once again. I've been eating antibiotics like more than 10 times in a year and this is not good at all. Im getting skinnier by the day. And i can never have a good night's sleep with me wheezing through the night and unable to breathe properly. URGHHHHHHHHh!!!!!!! and i dont wanna die of an asthma attack ) : its scary. alright touch woood. Dying will only exist in my life 80 years later (:

And im glad sectionals have been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances as said by kah siong. If not, i wil be missing yet another sectionals. oh anyway! i wanna attend the jc band fest concert!!!! but jingwen wont be in singapore ): and She wont be around to celebrate my brithdayyyyyyyyyyyy! -WAILS AND CRIES HYSTERICALLY. After nssn concert, i guess i will be pretty free and empty some how. maybe i should... go stayover at sam's house or...continue to practise on my horn till i improve. >:( Goodness, i really do hope i can get into vj for pae :O if i end up in ajc or smthing i will just... wallow myyself in sorrow. OH YES! i needa pay sentosa a visit. I MISS SENTOSA!!!!!

OKAY BACK TO MY HEROES!!!! i shall be meeting chia in hongkong.. in....a day's time! (: